A Morning View

I receive a daily quote and today's quote is appropriate for me as I move into 2022.  "Hope is the feeling we have that the feeling we have is not permanent." - Mignon McLaughlin I am not sure about you but I sure do hope 2022 is better than 2021, but we both must realize that a New Year is only a new number on our calendar. Nothing will be different in the new year if nothing changes on our part. You may say do nothing and wait. You may also say stop trying so hard. Just pray, just trust or just see what God is going to do.  Hope is an awfully difficult feeling to balance and put in practice. Hurry up and wait comes to mind, but what do we do while we are waiting? Nothing? Sit in the emotion? Lament? Fight and try to convince? Change something? Change everything? Make poor choices? Walk away from everything?  The Israelites were facing certain death with  Pharaoh's army closing in and the Red Sea in front of them. They had left Egypt with the hope of reaching the Pr...

When I was in high school this was a verse I memorized in the KJV. Little did I know that only a few years later at the end of 2021 would it rise up in my heart.  Yesterday, after looking over the kindness and encouragement from my two previous days Morning Views combined with the lament, penance and beating myself up for the harm I have done to others, I remembered this verse. In my humanness and caring heart I am still struggling to try to fix and repair all the deep hurt I have caused. I must seek the Holy Spirit and let God.  “I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.” - NLT God overcomes the world. I must stop and allow God.  Peace, PB

Thank you. Yesterday your kindness and support were over the top. Life can be so difficult, but knowing there is an army of supporters out there brings hope. I also know that the army is bigger than just Facebook friends with some pretty amazing warriors having my back and especially spending time on their knees before God for me. Thank you for being my warriors.  Yesterday was also extra difficult because it was the 4 year anniversary of the death of my sister Barb. I did not add that to the lament I wrote yesterday because she deserves to not be a part of my personal dysfunctional recovery. She deserves so much more than words can offer. God blessed me with the opportunity to spend parts of the day with some of the remnants of her love. I had lunch with Don her husband, visited with her daughter Bonnie and her two boys and am staying with Nathan, her son, and his family. The one I unfortunately missed is Laura who lives in the South with her family. I see Barb and the parts of he...

One year anniversary of something that was good in the moment. Not so much now.  Do overs, why can we not have one life do over.  No sleep, no release and nothing I can do. Today is a day I have no words. I write and write and erase and erase.  I have caused so much pain, sadness and regret.  Nothing I can do except sit and wait.  Nothing can make a difference except for God.  I know God is there.... somewhere God is there, “Why am I discouraged?      Why is my heart so sad? I will put my hope in God!      I will praise him again—      my Savior and my God!” -Psalm 43:5 NLT I must try.  No Peace, PB

Too often we live in the wisdom of ourselves and the knowledge of others in blogs, books and other teachings. All of these are tools for growth and are not bad practices to do, but I wonder do we just stop and listen to God? Do we turn completely to God? Do we follow the Spirit of God even when the book gives a different direction? It is important to seek, discuss, challenge and grow. But step out and be uncomfortable as the Spirit leads us.  In story after story the Spirit of God prevailed in ways that would not follow the way which makes most sense, follows the rules or lives inside the cultural box. A recent example is the story of Christmas. The whole story is outside the box of humanness but is completely perfect in the plan and direction of God. It was not comfortable for anyone along the way, but God. We love the story, but do we live it?  My prayer today is this scripture from Psalms. Simple, honest, lamenting while seeking God and not the wisdom of men.  “Lord, h...

“Don’t be misled—you cannot mock the justice of God. You will always harvest what you plant.” -Galatians 6:7 NLT “Listen! The Lord’s arm is not too weak to save you, nor is his ear too deaf to hear you call.It’s your sins that have cut you off from God. Because of your sins, he has turned away and will not listen anymore.” - Isaiah 59:2 NLT Do you struggle wondering where God is? Sometimes we struggle and wonder why? Stop sinning.  PB

Baby Jesus!  Jesus Christ is Born! Jesus is enough! “For this is how God loved the world: He gave [   his one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life. God sent his Son into the world not to judge the world, but to save the world through him.” - John 3:16-17 NLT Peace, PB

Christmas Eve is a day we bring Advent to a close and swing wide the door of Christmas. The Messiah has come. Emmanuel, God with us! The night of the dear Savior's birth. The reason for the season. So many ways to say Jesus.  What does Jesus bring? You know, we wait for Santa to bring gifts. It is the most wonderful time of the year after all. So what does Jesus bring us? How can a baby born into unsanitary conditions with just family and the typical manger participants around him bring anything to the gift giving extravaganza? The next people to show up, as we are told are the less than marginalized shepherds fresh from the field.  People were looking for a military strong person to lead them to freedom and peace while leading them away from oppression and suffering. God sent an innocent baby...........  There was hope but there was fear. Hope produced patience but while being patient, doubt revealed itself in the hearts of humanity. Doubt then created faith because agai...

The word patience has shown up quite often recently and I do not like it.  When things go wrong with technology and I have tried over and over to take my time and get it to work but it doesn't happen, I am easily frustrated and defeated. Patience..... When I am on the highway and everyone else is an idiot, but not me, I get angry. Patience..... When I have something urgent in my world and others do not seem to understand, it can become irritating. Patience..... When I look for approval and seem to never get it, or at least the way I desire it, I am easily hurt.  Every Facebook post I make I look to see who liked, cared or loved, especially The Morning View.  I easily am disappointed when what I desire is missing. Patience..... I seek and need affirmation and approval and fell neglected when I do not get it. Patience..... When people do not think like me and react in the way I expect them to react, I am frustrated. Patience..... If I am disagreed with I do not understand. ...

"You don't know what you think you know."  Think a moment and let that statement sink in.  There is always more than what we can ever know in the way people are, act and what we hear them say. As a teacher, I learned that the "troubled student" was not a bad person but a hungry person. They came to school hungry everyday and their hunger came out in poor grades and unacceptable behavior. What about the person sitting on an exit ramp with a sign asking for money to feed their family? Is it possible that they are scamming you? Absolutely! But what if this is the parent of the student who comes to school hungry? The way people dress, act and live are often not indicators of who they are. We just do not know their heart.  After church do you go together at lunch to gossip about Mrs. Smith's outfit, the music you did not like, the way the pastor preaches, the moving of a pew or about something else that isn't the way you think it should be? Do you have a full...

Disclaimer: Please do not panic reading this today. I proof read this and think this disclaimer is important! I alright not being alright. I am just being vulnerable because the Spirit nudged me, actually the Spirit hammered me to be vulnerable. We all struggle with things and anyone who says they do not has the problem of not having struggles. Yes, you can try to read between the lines. DON'T! I have a lot of growing to do, but please believe me, today I am better than yesterday and tomorrow I will continue to grow. I am on a journey. My desire is to challenge all of our hearts, mine first, to survive calmly and peacefully in the storm. (Something which is difficult for me.)  I AM SELFISH.  No, I do not want material things. No I do not care if I get one Christmas gift. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely embrace and appreciate the generosity and am filled with joy when remembered by others and embrace the heart behind the giving of the gift, but material things are material thi...

We need each other. We need each other not to carry out our battles but to hold up our arms while we are in battle.  The difference being our victories must come from within led by God, but also with the deep commitment of others who cannot be the one's to fix them, but will absolutely be with us and will hold our arms up! “While the people of Israel were still at Rephidim, the warriors of Amalek attacked them. Moses commanded Joshua, “Choose some men to go out and fight the army of Amalek for us. Tomorrow, I will stand at the top of the hill, holding the staff of God in my hand. So Joshua did what Moses had commanded and fought the army of Amalek. Meanwhile, Moses, Aaron, and Hur climbed to the top of a nearby hill.As long as Moses held up the staff in his hand, the Israelites had the advantage. But whenever he dropped his hand, the Amalekites gained the advantage. Moses’ arms soon became so tired he could no longer hold them up. So Aaron and Hur found a stone for him to...

Stop it! Stop it! Stop overthinking.  Stinking thinking will quickly destroy you.  Yes, life is difficult and yes we do not always understand.  Trust God eve when it does not make sense.  “Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.” - Philippians 4:6-7 NLT Peace, PB

Where is Gabby? I looked everywhere in the house and could not find her. I looked where her lead is thinking I left her there and it was laying outside the door with no Gabby attached. Where could she be? It was dark outside making it difficult to see anything as I drove around the neighborhood looking for her. She was gone....... until my phone rang and Sharon said; "Gabby is home, I don't know where she has been, but she is home.  Who in you life is lost and wandering without being at home with Jesus? You look everywhere but they are gone. Perhaps they have waked away from God because the church or someone in it has hurt them. Perhaps they deal with all of their pain in a destructive way. Maybe they just have never accepted the grace and forgiveness offered without strings attached because they live in guilt and pain.  I wonder, do we panic when we realize they have slipped away and do we go after them? Understand that badgering them and chasing them doesn't work, in fac...

In our world there is a constant battle of selfishness going on. It is everywhere. Self seeking, self promoting and self fulfillment. Politics, religion, families and personal life are not exempt from this selfishness. How about how we lead? What are the motives? Do we make decisions built around selfish motives? Are friendships built around selfish gain or selfless sacrifice? Is your family divided over selfishness? Love is a word used often in our culture. Poetry is written all about love. The topic of love dominates Classical, Pop, Rock and Roll, Country and all music. Love is popular, yet is love really understood? Love is a beautiful emotion, you know, I wouldn't say emotion. Love is a beautiful characteristic of who we are created to be. Perhaps love is the core of who we are and God built the rest of our humanness around the Soul Spirit of such love. Growing up I was surrounded by the word love. I was taught God is love. In the front of the church I attended, above the bapti...

I think I get it. Stop overthinking and stop trying so hard = PEACE! “Always be full of joy in the Lord. I say it again—rejoice! Let everyone see that you are considerate in all you do. Remember, the Lord is coming soon. Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.” - Philippians 4:6-7 NLT In other translations the word worry is anxious. I take anxiety medicine at night as needed. Perhaps being full of joy, stop worrying, pray and tell God everything and give thanks will allow me to not need medication but a peace filled heart.  Peace, (I find it interesting my signature happens to always be preceded by the word peace.)  PB 

Do not look at something or someone and think you understand. When you look on the outside you may receive a false understanding, a raw moment or a protective coating. The happy go lucky person on the outside just might be the most miserable human on the inside. The person who seems to be struggling with much, just might be, but perhaps they have found peace in the storm. Look to the heart. “But the Lord said to Samuel, “Don’t judge by his appearance or height, for I have rejected him. The Lord doesn’t see things the way you see them. People judge by outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” - 1 Samuel 16:7 NLT You never really know what you see....... Peace, PB

When life is not good how do we respond?  When things go wrong how do we try to fix them?  Do you have all the answers or try to everything you can to make it right?  When you totally screw up and are out of control and there is nothing you can do, where do you turn?  When you have arrived at the end of the rope, do you tie it into a noose or use it to be rescued?  End of the rope, failure, fear, guilt and shame all legit all real...... “Dress yourselves in burlap and weep, you priests! Wail, you who serve before the altar! Come, spend the night in burlap, you ministers of my God. For there is no grain or wine to offer at the Temple of your God.” - Joel 1:13 NLT No Peace, PB

Good morning world. Today begins another day to make a difference in the world. Either we are making a positive impact in our personal world or we are not. I realize that we face the normal ups and downs of life and that some days are better than others, but no matter the trials and struggles we face God is with us!  I have a good friend who keeps repeating to me when I get funky that my response is a choice. My desire each and everyday is to choose joy and happiness. Too often I walk in the gloom and doom of my circumstance. Guess what I strive to do that no more. Yes, facts are that everyday will not be perfect and there are days where I face more struggles than others. But today, I choose! Thank you friend...... “The stone that the builders rejected      has now become the cornerstone. This is the Lord’s doing,      and it is wonderful to see. This is the day the Lord has made.      We will rejoice and be...

Are you a fixer? Do you battle to make everything better? Have you heard yourself say I messed up and all I want to do is make everything alright? Have you hurt someone unintentionally, created pain and separation and just want everything to heal and be good? Have you told yourself lies that you are the cause of failure? Perhaps even thinking a life do-over would fix everything and make it all better.  Does doubt and fear drive your response? Why? Day by day I am learning the answer. I grew up "fawning" or in a different term, being a people pleasure. Because of my home environment, my self worth was found seeking approval and doing all I could to gain approval and praise. So what do I do now? I repeat the same sins of my life. Sin? You mean approval and trying to make everything good is a sin? The answer is yes when it is all about a selfish me. As a man who goes by Bill at 60 years and 4 months of age, I am taking inventory of the boy named "Billy" (please call me...

"Garbage In - Garbage Out." I remember when computers first came out into the public for personal usage, just a few years ago, ;) and this phrase was one I was taught in my computer class. It was used to explain that whatever you put into a computer is what you got out of a computer.  Another phrase I awoke with rolling in my head is, "You are what you eat! If you eat fat greasy food, you'll become a fat greasy dude." This one is pretty obvious what it means!  I have not hidden the fact that I have been through some difficult trauma in my life. I have not poured out all of the details, but I am vulnerable enough to strive to share some of my pain so that others may realize they are not alone. I have been in some scary dark places in my soul. I have been angry, I have not been nice, I hurt the last people in the world I want to hurt. I do not mean to, but because of wanting to do good, be good and fix my life, I have not been me. My need to fill my emptiness has ...

Sometimes I realize that all I need to say has already been written.  Are you in a drought? Lonely, lost and feeling like you will never see the end of your "stuff?"  Does it seem like you screw up everything you touch or do? Honestly, you probably do when you do it on your own. It is so foolish to think that we can do it alone.  There is a book, which I have read, about the life of Gayle Sayers a former running back for the Chicago Bears. It is titled, "I Am Third." His life premise is "God first, others second and I am third." Sometimes it is easy to get that order mixed up. Some days it is God first, ME second and others third. On a different day  days it is others first God second and I am third. Quite often lately, it is ME first, God second and others third. There are other combinations of this but the worst days I ever experience are ME first, ME second and I am third. Oh foolish one........ “Seek the Lord while you can find him. Call on him now whi...

I find myself groveling a lot seeking forgiveness. Seeking forgiveness is extremely important when mistakes are made. Seeking forgiveness because you are "always wrong" is not healthy at all. It can be very humiliating and destructive because when I grovel I have little to no self worth. After all if "everything is my fault" there is no room for me to move forward and grow because I am just a failure. What it does for me, is that it allows me to be comfortable in the bottom of the self-dug pit of pain since there becomes no way out. So if you live your life this same way, you become a failure and are truly not worth or even worthy of who God created you to become.  I am tired of being a P.O.S. in my heart because God did not create me to be this way. In fact, I disrespect God when I choose to live in the pit, because I am a child of the Baby Jesus we celebrate in the Christmas season. I deserve to give myself forgiveness and then instead of groveling to others, I ne...